My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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