Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
