I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
