A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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