I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
