Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
