i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
