What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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