Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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