I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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