wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
