Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
