I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
