the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize