why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
