I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
