I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
