Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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