I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
