Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
