his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
