I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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