don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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