After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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