i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize