I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
