you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I believe in your delicious
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize