The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
