what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
