does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
