did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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