We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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