...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
