I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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