i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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