Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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