if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
