And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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