She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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