Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
