I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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