Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
