defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
