I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
