he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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