I could have mohawked her pubes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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