real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
