I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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