Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize