she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
