u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
