In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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