i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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