I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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