I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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