Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
