I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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