it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
