what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
