i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
