how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
