i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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