ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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