Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
