but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize