No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I forget how to act sober
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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