your parents love me but you hate me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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