Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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