That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
