yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize