I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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