I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
