I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
