Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize