Cold hands, warm shart.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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