I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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